How do you Know?
by thenostalgicdreamer
Summary: When life puts the pressure on, Trish ponders whether or not she is love.


It had been three days, but the words still echoed through Trish's head. _Trish, do you want to go out with me to Shredder's?_ She had told a very earnest Dez that she would think about it. In her surprise at his idea, that had been the best answer she could think of. They had had a lot of time to hang out over the past few summers while he had been on break from film school, but for all she knew it had always been platonic. Now, he was asking if that could change. She dreaded giving him an answer, but it wasn't really fair to keep him waiting. Every time she saw him, he looked at her with this gleam of hope that told her he was eagerly expecting her answer. She had to decide and soon.

Three days should have been enough time, but it didn't feel like near enough when the question was such an important one. She felt gravity of her decision keenly. Saying no would create a rift in their relationship. She wasn't sure she was ready to give up a friendship that had been getting stronger by the day. If she said yes, she was opening the door to another equally devastating set of possibilities. It was very probable that they would date only to have it all fall apart. Trish knew that a breakup would completely destroy the trust that they now enjoyed. Their friendship would be ruined forever. It always could work out, but Trish wasn't sure what she thought of that. Why had Dez put the ball in her court and forced her to make a decision about their future? Things had been going so well, and none of the options looked particularly good at this point.

If she was honest, it all came back to how much she treasured their friendship. It was strong and beautiful, but that had only happened after years of work. When she had first met Dez, she had been very independent and not inclined to trust people who were different from her. It worked with Ally, but that was only because she had decided to make an exception for her. Opening up to anyone else had been out of the question. At the same time, it was really hard not to like Dez. Somehow, his quirks and goofy ways managed to be oddly endearing. At first, she had fought to keep the distance between them knowing that he had the power to complete rock her world. As time passed, she had realized that he was both kind and sincere. Sure, he might not let her see the world only through her own narrow perspective, but that wasn't all bad. Over time, she had slowly let him in, and she had not regretted it. Dez was special and unique and added so much to her life.

It wasn't until he left, however, that she had realized how much he meant to her. She had not anticipated missing him as much as she did Austin and Ally. But he had somehow managed to find his way into her heart over those four years and left a gaping whole when he departed for film school. In the months that followed, the weirdest thing happened. She would just randomly remember something that he had said or done, and his advice from afar would help her. Sometimes when she was driving home from work, she'd hear him telling him her to stop her music and savor the moment or she'd be sure she didn't like a client, and then she'd remember how he had told her that all people had something special and you just had to find it. Or she would be feeling insecure before a meeting with an executive, and she would remember how he always believed that he could do anything he wanted to do. After that kept happening, she had realized how much of an impact he had on her. Not only was he a special person but he also made a heck of a difference in her life. Right then and there, she had decided she would do whatever it took to make sure he stayed in her life. So far, things had gone well. They had stayed in contact when he was away at school and spent the summers managing music factory together.

Now that he had asked her define the relationship, however, things were going to change. If she was honest, she wasn't totally opposed to the idea of dating. However, she just wasn't sure if she liked him enough to proceed knowing all that she was putting on the line. Was she—dare she say it—in love with him? She honestly didn't know. She had never been in love, and everyone she had asked about it hadn't been any help. She had first started pondering the question back when she had dated Jace, but she was no closer at arriving at answer. The problem was that everyone had mentioned some sort of magical moment. Trish just didn't believe in magic whether it was wishing stars or love at first sight or epiphanies. Everyone she had talked had mentioned something like that. How was she supposed to know if she was in love?

With Jace, she had simply decided that she didn't like him enough to proceed and had left it at that. Faced again with the question, she couldn't brush it aside so easily this time. She couldn't doubt that she liked Dez and wanted him in her life. _That was it_ , she thought. She didn't take to people easily—especially people so different from her. She had to be very attached to him to want him to be in her life forever. She had made that decision knowing what he would demand of her. It wouldn't be any light, carefree love. He would make her step out of her shell and care about him and the world in a way that scared her. Yet, she didn't balk knowing that was what it meant. If anything, she was willing to fight for what they had. That was why she was hesitating—not because she didn't care but she because she cared so much.

Suddenly, she could see that she was in love with him. It wasn't fairies or happily ever afters or wishing stars, but it was as close to magic as she would come that she would open up to someone in the way she had to Dez Wade. At that thought, hope filled her heart in a way it never had. It was scary, yes, love always was, but she knew that her future was in good hands. Dez loved her, and she loved him. And from now on, they would face the world together. She didn't usually run, and she never appeared anywhere without makeup, but she knew right then that she had to run straight to the arms where she belonged.

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 **Author's note: I wrote this in as sort of my defense of Trez after what happened in the finale. It was actually a really hard piece to write, and it took me several tries to come up with this.** **I hope you enjoyed it. As usual, I'd love to know what you thought. I also welcome vents about the finale in either the comments or via private message. :) Hope this was comforting somehow!  
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